Bullying has a different face

You might think you know what bullying looks like, but today, bullying comes in countless forms – and with innumerable consequences. Unfortunately, it’s a hard truth that nearly a third of America’s students grades 6 to 12 have experienced bullying, while nearly 70 percent have witnessed bullying at school.

Chances are, they’re not all wearing black eyes.

Today’s bullies aren’t the beefy, leather-jacket wearing jocks of old movies and cartoons. Today’s bullies lurk in unexpected places – like your child’s social media inbox or his incoming texts. And today, bullying has ramifications that go way beyond broken bones and bruised egos. In fact, newscasts are frequently dotted with stories of teens and young adults who complete suicide after enduring bullying at school or online. In my book, “R U OK? Teen Depression and Suicide,” I speak of one teen driven to suicide after bullying made her feel isolated, alone and terribly depressed.
No teen should ever feel what so many of our youth face every day. If you suspect your child (or one you love) is being bullied, it’s time to talk about it. Knowing the signs of bullying is the first step to saving a teen’s dignity, her self-esteem and possibly her life.

Warning Signs of Bullying

• You know your child best. If he or she exhibits the following warning signs, it’s time for a talk.
• Unexplained bruises and injuries
• Torn or soiled clothing
• Stolen belongings, like backpacks, books, jewelry, clothing, etc.
• Changes in eating habits (skipping meals or practicing “binge eating.”)
• Changes in sleeping habits
• Declining grades
• Disinterest in school, or a regular desire to stay home
• Loss of friends
• Avoidance of social situations like school dances, parties or sporting events
• Self-harm, including cutting, hitting, burning, etc.
• Reckless behavior

Risk Factors for Bullying
Make no mistake, bullying is everyone’s problem.

It could happen to the poorest kid on the street – or the richest. A shy tuba player in the band could be the target; so could the captain of the cheerleading squad. Bullying can happen to anyone, and that’s why it’s so important to recognize the warning signs that your child or one you love is experiencing bullying. That said, there are several reasons a teen might become the target of bullying. These “risk factors” include:

• Teens who are overweight or underweight
• Students new to the school or area
• Teens with a lower socioeconomic background
• Introverts or “anti-social” teens
• Teens with depression, anxiety or mental illness
• Students with mental or physical handicaps
• Students with learning disabilities

Getting help
Too often, parents learn that their child experienced bullying too late. While your teen may not be considering suicide, if he’s being bullied, it’s undoubtedly affecting his confidence and self-esteem. If you suspect bullying, your first step is asking a simple question: R U OK? This question graces the cover of my book because, too often, teens think they have to face their challenges alone. Asking the question opens a dialogue that in turn can help save your teen from the isolation and pain she feels. For more information on how to talk to your teen, check out “R U OK? Teen Depression and Suicide.”.